Sure fire pickup lines, for Valentine's Day


"Did it hurt?"
"Did what hurt?"
"When you clawed your way through the earth to spread your Hellish misery upon us?"



"Are those space pants?  Then get your space shirt and space hat! There’s an asteroid coming and the President needs us to save the earth!”



"Are your legs tired? Because you’ve been running through my dreams all night, with me, fleeing the terrible, nameless, unseen beast that has always haunted my nightmares. I’ve been hoping that you would wear out and fall behind, feeding its hunger and sparing me, but you never slacken, never slow. You always just keep pace beside me, seeming unaffected by the strain. You must work out."


*just a bunch of keening noises*



"That outfit looks great.  It would look even better adhered to the side of my nest."


"Is your daddy a thief? Tell him to give it back! I need it. I NEED IT. GIVE IT BACK AND I’LL LET HIM LIVE! You must work out."


"Hey baby. Want to go halvsies on a bastard? I’ve got one tied up in the car and I’ve already started on the right side, but you can work the left.



Hò̴͝w̢̧͘ ̴͞d͞o̸̡͏ y̢o̴̕u͡ l̀ìk҉͢e̕͝ y̶̢ờ̵ù͢r̸ ̀e̵g͞g̸̨s̷̛ i̢̧ǹ̢͡ ̴̡t̕͜h͘e ̀m͘ò̧̡r̡̀ņ́͠i̢n͏g? ͠O̧͡v̶͘ip͟͡os̸i͜͡t͜e͢͝ḑ͘͠?


"Do you have a mirror in your pocket? No! Don’t take it out. They hate mirrors. The mirrors remind them they’re not like us. You must not be seen with the mirror. Just keep it in your pocket, and back slowly out of the party. Don’t look at them!”


*keening noises* “You must work out."