The Vaccerelli Variations


We trade pictures of paramours
Like two Edwardian dandies
Making admiring noises to each other
Him in his impeccable suit
And I in my nerd-chic and cool shoes
Joking that we should get married
Get a house in Queens
Get two Italian greyhounds
Well, half-joking


I tell him about the crush
And he says "Son, you are playing with fire," and I'm like
Don't call me "son"
I'm older than you and
I am explicitly NOT playing with The Fire
The Fire has a boyfriend
I am admiring The Fire from a respectful distance
And The Fire is welcome to let me know if The Fire’s situation changes
That’s all


He writes a slam poem
About how much he hates the local slam
I write one about how much
I love mine

We would be the most
badass team
Maybe one day will be
Walk into a slam together
Suit and shoes
and just trash the place
(House in Queens)


And ANYWAY, you giving ME
relationship advice is ridiculous
Like you haven’t
torched every attempt you’ve ever made
You burn romantic bridges like
Like a maniac arsonist
Who hates travel


I tell Carrie it’s interesting
We’re so different and so close
And she goes “you’re not different”
I don’t know
I mean I care about politics
And he watches more movies


Bromance is a word straight men use
To sanitize their feelings
Along with “no homo”
(House in Queens)


We talk literature

He loves Grossman
I hate the guy
I just don’t think any of the darkness
Is earned

John Green is like
brain poison inside cheap candy
But he’s so brave
I know because he said so

I am, ostensibly, reading Ulysses
I am always ostensibly reading Ulysses
I feel like we are all, always
Ostensibly reading Ulysses
Never to stop, never to finish
There is only Ulysses
read Ulysses
cherish Ulysses
put Ulysses down
You are still reading Ulysses
forever Ulysses
Behind your reflection Ulysses
You flee
You turn the corner
Alone except for a small black cat
Who hissssses


“I’m going to meet the circus performer this weekend”
“The one with the orange hair?”
“Apparently it’s pink now”
“She’s a zipper buster. I drunk texted Alanna last night
that I was crazy about her
and I’d buy out her modeling contract
if she wanted to come spend some time with me.
I don’t think I could afford to buy out a UK modeling contract for Bazaar”
“You could take some time and fly to the UK, though. Woo like a person.”
“You know that “taking time” thing is tricky.”
“I do.”


We are both thirsty
Both throwing ourselves
At other people
Trying to be